Hi Sanstav,

Its been 6 months and 17 days today. Well what can I say? This period has been like the seconds ticking on the clock. You know, waiting for the the next tick so one second has passed. That is how we both are living, day to day, and hoping like hell that something might happen to reduce our pain, but to no avail till todate. A few days back I got a message from your friend Vrishi, that he has got his CPL. Had you been there you would have also finished and we would have been preparing to meet again. How thrilled we both would have been. Your mama and me would have started planning your arrival but now we are just waiting to come to you, someday or the other, cos this cross we have to carry and take it to its place in time. How long, who knows except you might cos you are there right with him. Well what else to say, except beta, be happy and god bless you where ever you are.

Luv

Papa

Hi sanstav,

you know that people say that the loved ones do come in your dreams once in a while to help you in overcoming the grief and sadness which you have left in our lives. Beta, if you think that we loved you so much than please come at least once to tell me that you are all right. I am only interested in your welfare and nothing else. The cross you gave us to carry is all mine and mama"s but if you remember I had never let anything hurt you during your entire 19 years and three days of life which you lived with us. That is why I am wondering that why haven't you contacted us. Son, wherever you are all I wish is for you to be fine. I never let anybody touch you during yout life but this was something which was beyond me also. You did everything right but HE still took you away from us. This "WHY" I will never come to know till I meet HIM but till that time. don't worry I will carry this burden and will also help Mama carry it too. We must have relly hurt you in your last life that is why we are caryying this. Whatever we did, I sincerely apologise to you from my side and on behalf of Mama. May you be in peace wherever you are and please remember, that we will always love you, regardless.

Be in peace, my son.

Your grieving father

Hi Sanstav,

Papa is back again. Well, I don't know how to tell u the pain me n yr mama r going thru but as they say u will probably be knowing it and watching over us. Life has suddenly ceased to exist with a huge black void in front of us. At times, we wonder what r we living for. I know you will find thiese ramblings of an old man but this father of yours also has a breaking point. It has still not reached and hopefully will not either as the only goal I have now is to take care of Mama. She had, if u remember, evolved her entire life around you, left her career, so she is feeling the hardest. Onlt time will heal but obviuosly nothing can fill this gap. I would definitely ask our so-called maker, whenever I meet, what is the logic of punishing innocent guys where as the crooks are having a swinging time. Life has been very unfair to you and to both of us. With yr attitude, I feel you would have been a great help to mankind on this earth. Anyway, beta, be in peace and dont wory about us. I will take care of Mama also. Luv you till eternity. Papa

I am Sanstav Paul's father. We lost him in an aircrash on 21 Dec 08 at Phoenix, Arizona. He was our only child and let me state that we are a set of proud parents. Sanstav was a brilliant child and I am not talking academically or physically, but mentally also. I dont remember a single occasion when we Even had to raise our eyebrows in his life of 19 yrs or so. The relationship we three shared was that of mutual respect and friendship. There were occasions when his friends called him a Mama's boy but he never cared for that bcos he always valued relationships more than anything else. I have never yet come across a boy who was so focussed in life. People might say that heres a father praising his son who is no more but these facts were known to all who knew him.

Today he is not there with us. For us' life has suddenly become a meaningless existence with nothing to look forward to. I always was a firm believer in the adage that whatever god does, does it for the best. Now what good will come out of this, I DON'T KNOW. How do I answer this question to Sandhya, I am all at sea. 

People say that this was your Karma. Why are we being punished by god for things done in some previuos birth, which I don't know or remember. I never knew that life can be so cruel to us for no rhyme or reason

This is the first entry to see how things look. I will add someting more later.